If marriage equals love, does divorce have to equal hate?

Is it possible to be too friendly to be considered a "real" divorced couple?

Parents and children view divorce in remarkably different ways. For many kids, the end of a marriage means that once-united parents will be forever bitterly divided. That perception likely comes from their friends who have dealt with similar, life-changing events. Whether in school or at play, they witness firsthand their peers trapped in the middle of heated disputes and stressed over one household becoming two.

Because of these experiences with their friends, it is easy for children to equate marriage with love and divorce with hate.

Parents are more likely to understand the nuances of a marital dissolution. They feel the hurt and pain. They experience the loneliness and rejection. However, the way they deal with the trauma and express those feelings in front of their children can establish the tone of post-marital life.

Far too many divorced parents refuse to heal, if only to keep multiple wounds open. They blame each other for the pain and suffering that comes from the failure of a marriage. They allow the emotional trauma to grow and fester to a point where it dictates their behavior in front of their children.

Other divorced couples choose to make their divorce one wound. Consciously, they keep issues and disagreements between them and shield the children from their issues. Even if anger and resentment exists, the children are not exposed to it.

In the end, cooperative co-parenting is a choice. Disputes will arise that will test the mettle of divorced parents trying to be cooperative and conciliatory. When things are at their messiest and most complicated, flaring tempers are replaced by focusing on the common ground they share.

Their children.

For many, divorce is more than a failure of a marriage. Couples see it as a failure at forming a family. In reality, parents who recognize that they are better apart than together can continue the familial bond, if not make it stronger. Children are at their healthiest and happiest when both mothers and fathers are at a place when they too are happy and healthy separately.

While you may not be at your best during a divorce, you need to focus on the best interests of your children.